


Relapse

by Solariac



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Disarmed!AU, Hurt/Comfort, Not Beta Read, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Steven Needs A Therapist, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2019-12-14
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:48:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21786253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Solariac/pseuds/Solariac
Summary: //Disarmed AU by @stevenuniverseanewchapterOn a day with particularly nasty weather, Steven decides to go with Connie to sword practice. He soon learns that some old wounds never heal.
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe
Comments: 5
Kudos: 88





	Relapse

Rain pattered against the windows of his room, the dark gray clouds looming above in the lightless skies. The clouds themselves cast shadows into Steven's room as the teenager hung his torso off of the edge of the bed while upside-down and picking at his unusual pink arm. He squinted in concentration, his lips pursing as he tapped his rubbery arm.

A booming clap of thunder echoed throughout the house, and he fell off of the bed with a surprised yelp. Steven landed on the floor, a thump sounding as his body made contact with the wood. Ouch. He scrunched his nose and pushed himself onto his feet. Well, that was one option off of the table on this boring rainy day. 

"Oh rain, why won't you pity the poor sulky boy?" He complained dramatically, his eyes searching through the ripples of the rain outside. 

A few steps away, his jacket laid messily on the floor. He eyed the pink heap and then his own hand. An idea formed in his mind, but that didn't mean it was a good one. The gem hand was raised to his mouth, and his licked his own palm. Immediately after, he drew back his arm.

"Go sticky hand powers!" Steven shouted before shoving his arm outwards, willing it to stretch a little so he'd grab his jacket. Unfortunately for him, his hand missed the jacket, and slapped right onto the floor. "Oh no." He mumbled regretfully aloud at the narrow miss.

He tugged at his arm with his human one, but to no avail did it come off of the wood. "Oh no no, Pearl's gonna kill me if she sees me stuck the floor again!" Steven yelped while tugging at his arm again in a frenzy.

Due to his own _amazing_ luck, the door downstairs opened despite the pounding rain outside. _Please don't be Pearl. Please don't be Pearl!_ He pleaded mentally, his entire body freezing in place like a deer in headlights.

"Steven?" A teenaged voice called from downstairs. "Are you here?" She asked curiously, and he silently thanked the _stars_ that it Connie.

A sigh of relief escaped through his lips, but that was only half of his problems. "Yeah, I'm fi- Ah!" He responded only to be cut off with a yelp as his hand came free, but not without taking a small sliver of wood with it. 

"Steven?!" Connie called up after him again, but in a more worried tone. Before he could blink, his friend had launched herself into his room. A serious expression was plastered on her face, but it dropped right after she saw him with both of his hands splayed in front of him.

Connie glanced from his forward facing palm and back to Steven's face. She raised a brow at him and crossed her arms judgingly. "Testing your ' _sticky hand powers'_ in your room again?" 

Heat flushed through his cheeks and his gaze diverted to the partially damaged floor. "Maybe a little?" He offered sheepishly, his left hand gripping the back of his own neck in embarrassment. Steven shook his head, and quickly tried to change the subject. "Uh, what are you doing here when it's raining? You're soaked!"

"I have sword practice with Pearl today, and my equipment is still downstairs." She jabbed her thumb in the direction of the staircase with a shrug. "I'll hang out after then though, Mom isn't picking me up until ten." She fished her phone out of her pocket, and was probably checking the time. Connie started to walk away, but his fingers brushed against her sleeve.

"Why wait?" He blurted before he could stop himself.

"What? I told you, I have sw-" Connie began in confusion only to be cut off again.

"I want to watch you train!"

"Steven…" Connie grabbed his flesh hand with hers. He internally noted the comforting warmth from her hands, but pushed it aside so he could listen to her speak. "You know how you are around swords now. I don't want you to feel that way again. Not after last time." She finished solemnly yet comfortingly with a dark look in her eyes. 

_Last time._

His eyes flashed a soft reddish-pink, but he quickly blinked away the additional colors. Steven didn't need to be reminded of his last freakout, it didn't matter anymore. "I'm better now, I promise!" He protested, his free hand waving off to the side. Connie watched his hand flap, and tilted her head with a sigh. His hand stopped only for him to place it on the back of his neck. "I'm glad that you're worrying about me, but I get bored being on might-as-well-be house arrest most of the time."

The teenager contemplated his words, he could tell she was. Her other hand was pinching the bridge of her nose and her eyes were slightly squinted. Steven grinned widely at her in an attempt to reassure her that he was a-okay. She groaned and dragged a palm down her cheek. "Okay, okay, but I can't stop Pearl if she wants you back here."

His grin grew even wider, and he pulled Connie into an unexpected hug. "Thank you!"

Connie flushed brightly, red dusting her cheeks. "Don't thank me! You have to get through Pearl, remember!" She barked back, but returned the hug anyways. 

_She kind of had a point there, but Pearl wouldn't be too hard to win over, right?_

\--

“Hello Connie! You’re right on ti- _Steven?!_ What on Earth are you doing at the sky arena? _”_

_Or not. Oh boy._

He put on the pure face of innocence and glanced around the area. “It’s raining in Beach City, and I was _so_ bored until Connie showed up.” He feigned dramatically with the saddest pouting face that his sixteen year old body could manage. “So, you know, I wanted to watch Connie sword fight, and it isn’t raining _here!”_ The sun was shining brightly above the arena, not a single cloud in the sky. That was a huge difference compared to the miserable dark gray cloud hovering outside of his house. Steven’s eyes searched Pearl’s face, the latter pursing her lips at his display. She wasn’t buying it.

“Steven…” Her voice was laced with caution and overwhelming concern.

“Pearl.” He returned back evenly. “I’ll be fine! If it gets too bad for me I’ll just turn around or leave!”

The white gem glanced over at Connie for help, but the girl just shrugged at her with a sheepish smile. She turned away from the two teenagers, her jacket flapping along with the sudden movement. Steven and Connie exchanged confused glances, but didn’t comment on it. Before they _could_ say something, the gem whipped back around to face him. A pale finger pointed at him, and he blinked at it in bewilderment. “You,” she began, “are not allowed to step out into the arena whatsoever, and I mean it!”

“Y-Yes ma’am!” Steven shouted back with a nod.

“And you,” Her finger swung around to point at Connie. “You are going to check on him after each and every spar. Got that?” She continued to drill authoritatively, and if he was going to be honest, it was always terrifying if you were the one on the end of her finger.

“Yes ma’am.” Connie saluted Pearl while smiling softly.

Pearl’s eyes softened as well, and her hands moved to rest on her hips. “Alright then, let’s not waste anymore time, Connie.” She nodded at her protege, who in turn, unsheathed the sword on her back. “Steven, go sit down please.” She insisted, and he obliged by walking over and plopping down on the stone seating. His differing fingers laced with each other, resting gently on his lap, as his eyes focused on the scene ahead. 

The first metallic clink of their swords caused him to wince sharply, but he suppressed the feeling as soon as it began to arise. No, it had been months since _it_ happened. He used to enjoy Connie and Pearl’ session, and he wasn’t going to let his past keep him from watching. He’d be fine. He said he would be fine. He’ll _stay_ fine. 

He wouldn't have it any other way.

\--

This was not as easy to ignore as he initially thought.

It was getting harder and harder to suppress the resurfacing emotions in his own head. The first scuffle between Pearl and Connie hadn't even finished, yet his arms were already starting to noticeably shake. What was _wrong_ with him? He was stronger than this! It was okay. No one was in danger. Not Pearl, not Connie, and certainly not himself. _It'll all be f-_

 _Clang_ ****

A startled cry was muffled as he bit his tongue hard enough to draw blood. Steven's mouth ran unusually dry, and a crippling sense of anxiety gripped at the edges of his heart the longer he stared. He watched Connie evade a strike from Pearl, and immediately turned to slash the torso of an advancing holopearl. Another holopearl appeared from behind her, its sword drawn to attack Connie from behind. The feeling wasn't getting any better, and if anything, it was only getting worse.

There was another resounding metallic noise as Connie blocked a blow from the mentioned enemy, and Steven had to press both of his hands to his mouth to prevent another pitiful squeak or whine. He couldn't watch a sword fight without wanting to _cry._

He was _pathetic._

The session was starting to pick up with more holograms being created, and the mist in the arena growing heavier. There were so many _swords_ , so many _enemies._ A sudden feeling of nausea lurched in his gut as a sword barely grazed the ends of Connie's uniform. His arms lifted in front of his face to block his eyes because he _couldn't_ bring himself to _turn away._ Everything other than his arms refused to move for him no matter how hard he willed them to. It was all _wrong._ He didn't _understand._

 _Why was he still so_ **_afraid?_ **

The constant clanging and slicing of the swords continued, each individual slice accompanied by the sound of one of the holograms fizzling out. Steven was adamant about not removing his arms from blocking his sight, but that didn't silence the scene around him. His breathing started to run slightly uneven, and he had no choice but to try and straighten it back out. 

_It wasn't working_.

His pink arm started to shift and warp before his eyes. He still couldn't _control_ it. Both hands clutched at his hair as his shaking worsened. Instead of calling deep breaths, his body had decided to make him pant for air. He could hear his heart pounding in his chest, and in a moment's notice, he realized that he had to leave _now._

His sandals slammed against the stone as he kicked himself onto unstable feet. Steven stumbled for the first few steps as he half-launched half-fell down from the viewing area. He dove headfirst into the mist in a desperate attempt to get out of the arena, but to his luck, he tripped and landed chin first onto the hard ground. His head rattled as he tried to reconfigure his thoughts, but he couldn't grasp anything that flew through his head.

Tears started to fall from his eyes, each droplet splashing onto the tiles below him. The sounds of the ongoing session we're growing duller in his ears, and were replaced with the sounds of endless ringing. He tried to push himself back to his feet, but his limbs had completely given up on him. Steven opted to roll to his back, and sat up enough to be able to splay his hands against the ground behind him so he was halfway into a sitting position. That was all the comprehension he could manage, as the streams of anxiety began to consume his thoughts again. 

_"Steven…? Steven? Where are you?!"_

A voice distantly called through the fog in his head, but he couldn't _hear_ it. While lost in his own anxieties, he didn't notice the stray holopearl approaching from his side until it was already upon him. Its sword gleamed fiercely as it poised at him to strike, catching his attention in an instant. When his eyes landed on the sword, that was when he completely _lost it._

The sword swung down in the direction of his exposed body, and right then and there, all he could see was _her._

 _The haunting pink body of Spinel loomed over him, her glowing pink scythe in hand. "Get_ **_away_ ** _!" He screamed loudly, his voice cracking in several places as it tore at his already raw throat. His new arm lifted itself up to defend him, the once rubbery structure now engulfed with hardened pink crystals. The weapon collided against his arm, but the blade shattered into pieces as soon as it touched him._

_He wasn't finished._

_Spinel still stood before him, but now she was scytheless, powerless, defeated. He wasn't_ **_satisfied_ ** _with that. His arm continued to contort and harden to larger degrees, the crystalline substance going as far as to spreading up to his neck and the bottom his cheek. A feral snarl twisted onto his lips as if he were some kind of trapped cat. His gem hand reached out to grab a hold of Spinel's gem, and he pulled. The apparition of Spinel paled in fear, and for a second, he could see the reflection of himself in her eyes._

_An ounce of pity quelled in his heart, but he smashed it down. Those were the same eyes that took away his arm and left him with this freakish one. The heart-shaped gem came free from her chest, and-_

The holopearl dissipated in front of his eyes, the hilt of the shattered sword bouncing against the ground as well. 

_What…?_

A severe throbbing pain pulsed all around his head. His pink arm had changed back into its default see-through rubbery state. Exhaustion courses through his body as it co-existed with the splitting headache currently throttling his brain. His vision began to spin, and his gut lurched. The contents of his lunch that day spilled onto the ground beside him as he turned his head and violently gagged. 

The last thing he could remember was the _deja vu_ sight of Connie sprinting towards him, her sword completely tossed aside as it spun across the ground. She slid to her knees as soon as she was close enough, and both of her hands clasped on each of his shoulders. Steven saw the panic in her eyes before darkness washed over his vision, silencing the pounding within his heart along with it.

\--

When he woke up, the homely surroundings of his room came into view. He was back in his room, not on the hard floors of the Sky Arena. The pain in his head had lessened to a distant throb instead of the constant stabbing needles he had felt before, so that was a plus in his book. 

As usual, Connie was leaning her torso on the bed with her head hidden in her arms. Looks like she didn't go home after sword practice. _I wonder who's at fault for that?_ He thought bitterly at himself. He shifted in his covers as he tried to piece together what had happened. Bits and pieces remained, but that was it. Most notably though, he remembered that his arm had turned crystal-like again.

If that happened, that only meant one thing.

"...I freaked out again, didn't I?" Steven sighed half to himself and half to Connie.

Connie slowly lifted her head and blinked at him sleepily. Comprehension returned to her eyes, and jumped up from where she had been laying half asleep to wrap her arms around him in a tight embrace. "Why didn't you say something?!" 

"I- Uh… What?" He started to stammer, but was abruptly cut off.

"You weren't okay this whole time and we let you _sit through that!"_ She lamented, her chin digging into the back of his shoulder. "I-I saw you jump up and run off. By the time I got to you the holopearl was already-" Her fingers gripped at the fabric of his shirt. "I thought it was going to _hurt_ you. I took my eyes off of you and I almost lost you _again!"_

"Please stop crying…" Steven whispered, his own eyes shutting. "It's always me. I hate it when I'm the one that makes you cry." 

"Steven no, it isn't your fault! It's mine." Connie removed her head from his shoulder and argued back. Tears swelled in the corner of her eyes, and all Steven wanted to do was gently wipe them away. 

"I'm the one who wanted to watch you practice." He corrected, his head starting to droop to avoid Connie's gaze. "I shouldn't have pressured you all into letting me watch, I'm so sorry." He thought he could handle it, but it had been too much for him. It tore him up on the inside that she was blaming herself for how he reacted. It wasn't her fault. It was never her fault. 

She sniffled softly, and her hands cupped his cheeks. "If it isn't my fault, it's not yours either." He nuzzled into her gentle touch, and the heavy mood seemed to lighten a bit. "Just promise me that you'll never do that again, not until you're _really_ ready, okay?" A ghost of a smile traced the outlines of her face.

He mirrored her expression with his own small smile. "I promise." Steven finally found the strength to hold eye contact with Connie, and his smile only grew softer.

Just because he had healing powers doesn't mean that they could heal every bit of damage he had obtained. There were just some wounds that only time could heal after all, and that was just another one of them. His encounter with Spinel still messed him up on the inside, but that didn't mean he couldn't improve again. Perhaps he needed more time to heal on his own. He smiled at the thought, and released a minimal sigh.

 _That's right, he still needed more time,_ _and that's okay_.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> First writing of an actual AU ayyy
> 
> Honestly I just wanted to write something for this AU because I love the concept of it so much. <3 <3
> 
> I have no ownership over this AU, it's simply a gift fanfiction for one of my favorite SU AUs.
> 
> This is mostly wordvomit again, as I'm still fighting writer's block and if there's grammatical errors then I die like a man


End file.
